Garbage human being Greg Hardy is allowed to play football this week in the NFL because the NFL exists to mess with our minds and make us feel terrible about ourselves (more on that later). When interviewed about how it felt to be back in the NFL after doing garbagey things, Greg Hardy further solidified himself as human garbage. He even doubled down on his trashy existence by showing no remorse for threatening the life of his then-girlfriend on a futon full of guns and by talking about how hot Tom Brady’s wife is. I can’t imagine what sort of environment a person such as Hardy lives in, but I have to believe that even Oscar the Grouch would be like, “Whoa, dude, pump the breaks on all this garbage.”
But this article isn’t about how scummy Greg Hardy is. I think the public has a general sense of that already. No, this article is directed at the owner / CEO / GM / Sith Lord of the Dallas Cowboys, Mr. Jerry Jones. Specifically, JERRY, DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS EVEN GOING ON ANYMORE?
Predictably, Jerry Jones was asked about Greg Hardy’s comments. Somewhat unpredictably, Jerry responded in a way that would have made late-in-life Al Davis seem like a sane individual.
When asked about Greg Hardy’s “guns blazin’” comment, Jerry had this eloquent tidbit to offer:
Oh my goodness…Well, you’re not allowed to have guns on the football field. We all know that’s just a way of expressing yourself. I hope his guns are ablazin’.
What. The. Holy. Hell.
Jerry, all you had to do was give a canned, “That’s not what we’re about. We’ll handle it internally. We respect women,” response and move on. That’s it. You’ve been around football for a billion years. You’ve intimately been involved with every aspect of the Cowboys daily. You micromanage the absolute shit out of the team. I have to believe that YOU are the PR department. You know what you’re supposed to say even if you don’t mean it. You should be muttering phrases like, “PROTECT THE SHIELD…INTEGRITY OF THE GAME…” in your sleep. Even your coach had enough concentration to give the company line about Hardy’s comments, and he has to worry about his job every day that he doesn’t produce a Super Bowl trophy for you.
Any overused cliché would have been enough for everyone to not care about your interview. But guns aren’t allowed on the football field? Wow. I don’t even know. You DO know about the whole girlfriend futon gun thing, right? Or did it just slip your mind in your old age? Or are you content with being a billionaire whose legacy is pretty much already determined and couldn’t care less about what people think?
In an attempt to try to sink further towards Hardy-esque scum, Jones had this to say about Tom Brady’s wife:
When I saw him marry [Gisele], Tom went up in my eyes 100 percent. She’s very, very attractive, and it shows what an outstanding individual Tom is.
Ok so first, why the hell did Tom Brady go up “100 percent” for marrying Gisele? And how the hell does it make him an outstanding person? So Tom Brady was an awful human being before but his worth was somewhat validated by an attractive wife? O bro, your wife is smokin’! Nice catch! Or I guess the Jerry version would be more Well hey there, young sonny. That’s a fine gal Sunday you got there. You should be awful proud. Now why don’t we retire to my megabus and force women to grope me while your wife cleans the kitchen?
Second, seriously, WHAT THE HELL? You are answering questions about an abusive womanizer by defending his stupidity / brashness and praising his womanizing. Has the stress of overseeing everything within your organization from ticket sales to medical decisions finally caught up with you? Is senility setting in? Seriously, what is wrong with you?
My innocence was shattered long ago. I know that most athletes and celebrities of the athletic world are just like any other person. Some are good people. Some are bad people. They’re not necessarily role models to idolize. Just because they’re constantly in the spotlight doesn’t mean they’re good people. And that’s fine. But my God, what a train wreck of an interview.
So here we have a player who is the scum of the Earth and an owner who not only signed him because there is no justice, but also showed pure apathy over comments that cement Hardy’s status as rodent excrement. And they’re all part of a league that has no idea how to deal with stuff like this or that lacks the motivation to deal with stuff like this. As Katie Nolan referenced in the video included at the beginning of this article, the NFL’s right hand waves the breast cancer awareness ribbon around while its left hand slaps women across the face. It blacklists minor drug offenders but has nothing in place to discipline child abusers. Roger Goodell is either an incompetent boob or an evil slug who has no understanding of how to properly set up a discipline system. Despite all that, the league still makes billions of dollars a year. Despite multiple cases like Hardy over the last few years and a history of owners like Jones who have done despicable things off camera, the league still profits unfathomably. People like me still tune in every Sunday…and Monday…and Thursday…to watch and root for our teams. My Sundays are planned around watching football and my favorite team is the Cleveland Browns – a team that hasn’t won a playoff game in over 20 years and whose owner oversaw mass corporate fraud at his family business. I know the league is frustratingly evil. I know my team is bad. But I still watch. And people like Greg Hardy and Jerry Jones are starting to make me feel terrible about myself for doing so.